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England wins right to lose 2018 World Cup
To the delight of thousands of England football supporters yesterday, FIFA president Sepp Blatter announced that England had been chosen as the first-choice nation to lose the 2018 World Cup. ‘There...
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‘NobNomination’ craze sweeps through Westminster
Critics have slammed the latest anti-social media craze where Coalition MPs and members of the Opposition egg one another on to visit flood zones and spout provocative bollocks. The event has to be...
View ArticleMan living under a rock ‘bloody tired’ of Royal updates
A man living under a large rock in the middle of the Sahara desert with his eyes shut and fingers lodged in his ears has bemoaned the insufferable level of coverage about the Royal Family he has been...
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Ming the Merciless Royal Wedding invite cancelled after human rights criticism
The Supreme Emperor of the Planet Mongo has said he will not attend Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding on Friday because of local unrest on his planet. Emperor Kevin “Minging” T. Merciless...
View ArticleLondon woman told to take it even easier
An 88-year-old London woman who has been taking it easy for 88-years has been told by her doctors to take it even easier. The woman, who owns several properties where she often takes it easy, has also...
View ArticleThousands march on Parliament to demand more baby George pictures
The streets on central London today saw one of its largest ever protest marches as activists, unions and ordinary working people demanded more images of the Queen’s great grandson and third in line to...
View Article24-hour ceasefire announced in Gaza to celebrate Prince George’s 1st birthday
Israel and Hamas have agreed a 24-hour ceasefire to allow both sides in the conflict to fully celebrate the 1st birthday of Prince George. The ceasefire was brokered by UN chief Ban Ki-moon and has...
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PM unveils curbs on ‘exploitative, degrading, irritating’ Royal baby coverage
Every household in the UK is to have endless, vacuous reporting of the birth and infancy of the Royal baby blocked by their internet provider unless they choose to receive it, David Cameron has...
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Independent Scotland ‘will never know sex of Royal baby’, says PM
David Cameron has denied that the campaign against Scottish independence has ‘run out of ideas’ today by announcing that an independent Scotland will ‘never find out’ what sex the new Royal baby turns...
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Royal Family finally granted Jennie Bond restraining order
The Royal Family have said they can ‘finally rest easy’ today, after a judge officially granted them a Restraining Order against Royal-super fan and now confirmed stalker, Jennie Bond. The legal...
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‘NobNomination’ craze sweeps through Westminster
Critics have slammed the latest anti-social media craze where Coalition MPs and members of the Opposition egg one another on to visit flood zones and spout provocative bollocks. The event has to be...
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Nation enthralled as Kate does thing
The Duchess of Cambridge captivated the national media this morning as she travelled to a place and did a thing. Wearing a stunning double crepe wool coat in sumptuous seasonal chestnut brown with...
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Cut-off Nepalese villages still unaware Kate has had girl, say Red Cross
Many remote villages in the worst hit areas of Nepal remain cut off and completely unaware that the Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a baby girl, according to the International Red Cross. Aid...
View ArticleRoyal couple ‘not sure what they did with the other one’
A proud Prince William stood on the steps outside Kensington Palace holding the new Royal baby and thanked everyone for their kind wishes and thoughts. The heir to the throne expressed his joy at...
View ArticleRoyal Family ‘corrupt, outdated and in need of reform’, says Blatter
FIFA President Sepp Blatter has called for the British Royal Family to put the interests of the nation first and resign. Blatter says that, ‘in the interest of fair play the Royal Family should stand...
View ArticleCambridge couple accidently trial new Facebook privacy setting
A Cambridge couple have been the first to trial a new Facebook privacy setting which enables you to broadcast your status to the nation via the front page of national newspapers. Mum of two Kate said...
View ArticleDuchess of Cambridge chooses North Sea oil platform career
Following on from the success of the Duchess of Cambridge’s Scuba Diving qualification it has been announced that she will be gainfully employed in the North Sea. Although the Duchess gained her...
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Royal baby; Dad now giving too much information
Prince William proudly showed off his son to reporters again this morning, adding that he had watched the baby having his nappy changed and joking that the young lad ‘certainly has a very healthy and...
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Buckingham Palace admits Prince William as good as bald
Buckingham Palace today issued a statement indicating that from now on Prince William will be officially designated as bald. Unlike his father and uncles, the 27-year-old prince has told friends he...
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Royal hitman ‘Phil the Greek’ mulls one last job
Phil ‘The Greek’ Windsor, the long-time enforcer for Britain’s most notorious crime family, is apparently considering coming out of retirement for one last big payday. The family, known as the Royals...
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